Have you ever thought about what it'd be like after you died? Would anyone remember you? Would anyone miss you? Have you ever looked back on like and say 'why can't life be like it used to be'? Have you ever had one of those moments where everything just falls into place?
I've done all of these in these past few days.
First, I will begin with the first question I pondered. I was wondering what would happen if I were to die. What would my brothers think? What would momma and dad do? It seems so depressing when you think about it. It is. Then i contemplated HOW I would die. Old age? Not too exciting I must say. I wanna go out with a bang. Something exciting I think. But I don't like this question too much so let's move on, shall we?
So, now to that 'how life used to be'. My sister came home last night from a haunted house with friends... drunk. SHe was more drunk than I've seen anyone in the very long time. I gotta say she was lucky my dad is in the middle east right now because he woulda killed her. With good reason though. But for some reason I couldn't stop thinking 'why can't things be like they used to be?'. Back when I went to Beach Middle and sis went to Ocean Lakes High. I guess you wouldnt understand unless you were in my shoes, but somehow those were the best months of my life that I can thing of.
Now for the last one. I was watching sis puke from the alcohal and I realize, if mom hadn't found her, I would have taken care of her and covered for her, no questions asked. It just seemed natural. It's kind of like... I suddenly understood her. I'm not sure if anyone else understands that feeling, but I like it. Even if I had to get it while my sister was drunk beyond anything I'd ever seen. She stupid and an idiot and a jerk, but she's my sister and it's my job to help take care of her. Even thought I am the younger sibling.
Thats all I have to say for now... you prolly don't understand any of my thoughts, because I guess this is just somethign for me to understand.